John Howard: Prime Minister

Now, I'm no dope-smoking, hippy greenie, but the Japanese want to kill a bunch of whales, and I'm not cool with that. Not 'cause I really care if they die or anything, but actual dope-smoking, hippy greenie whale-watchers bring in a fair bit of tourist dollars, and I do care about that. Still, I hate agreeing with Bob Brown on anything, and I made sure he knew this didn't mean that we were friends or anything, and we still couldn't be seen in public together. Like, he came running up to me at lunch time and was all, "Hey John! Want to share my lentils with me, John? Isn't it great how we have something in common, John?" And then Andrew Downer was like, "Uh, are you friends with this loser, or something?" And I was like, "Uhm.... no. As if. Why don't you go hug a tree, you tree hugger?" And so he sulked off to make hemp clothing with Kerry Nettle, or whatever those tree huggers do with their time. But anyway, I'm still not cool with the Japanese killing our whales. If they need a huge, moaning, predatory, blubber-filled mammal, why can't we just give them Amanda Vanstone?

So apparently some of the lip-sewing, children-overboard-throwing, job-stealing terrorists we locked up in detention centres and sent back overseas? Weren't lip-sewing, children-overboard-throwing, job-stealing terrorists after all. They were Australians. Woops. In the Immigration Department's defence, I've seen pictures of this Alvarez chick, and it's not as if she's white or anything, so you can see why they might have got confused. See, that's why multiculturalism is so lame - you can't tell Australians from terrorists. What's happened to this country when we can't judge our citizens on their skin colour?

Speaking of foreigners and stuff, that bogan girl from Queensland got 20 years in Indonesia for smuggling drugs. All these people have been saying that I should have done something to save her 'cause she's an Australian citizen, but I reckon they're expecting just a bit much. Like, that terrorist Hicks bloke has been locked up in a foreign jail without trial for years, and I haven't done anything to help him, so why should this Shrapnel girl get special treatment? She's already had a whole trial with real judges and media attention and public sympathy, which is a hell of a lot more than that Hicks guy's ever had, and now she wants special favours from me, too? Selfish much?