Friday, August 30, 2002

Everyone is soooo sick of the stupid Democrats. Why don't they just flip a coin? And the 'Gang of Four' think they're top shit, now. At lunch today, they were all wearing red bandanas and I think they've invented their own language or something, cause when I walked past where they were loitering, they yelled, "Yo, J, you aint all dat, be a short-assed fooool, a'ight?" Then they skate-boarded through the halls of Parliament House and spray painted 'Go4 RuLz' in the toilets and on Natasha Stot Despojas car.

So Pete Costello, Phil Ruddock, Alex Downer and I have started our own gang. We haven't named it yet, cause I want to call us the 'Lib Boyz', but Pete wants the 'Super-Cool Conservatives'. He says we should use his name, cause it's his cubby-house that we're using for our head quarters, but I reckon we should have mine, cause I'm the PM. Either way, we're gonna 'rumble' with the Gang of Four tomorrow. We don't have skate boards, but Alex has a Razor Scooter with light-up wheels he says we can take turns on. Wicked.

We had to vote about cloning today. I'm not sure about it, I mean, it could be used for really good things, like cloning me, for example, 'cause that would benefit the world heaps, but what if someone cloned a dickhead like Simon Crean or Tony Blair?

See, that's why I'm such a cool PM, because I take these things into consideration. Like the other day, the Salvos called up and asked if I had any clothes to donate. Now normally, I wouldn't give them anything, because they'd just go to people who are too lazy to work and buy clothes for themselves, and I have no sympathy for slackers like that. But then I realised that Janette would probably get a little annoyed if I didn't. Like when she made me give half my Lego to poor kids for Chirstmas, even though I couldn't see why the kids couldn't work and buy their own toys. So after a bit of consideration, I gave up a few of my old cardigans for those stinking, bludging, drains on the economy. For Janette's sake. I really am very considerate like that.

I called George Bush to see if he wanted to join my gang, but the White House people said that it's 'American Not Talking on the Phone Day' and hung up. I wonder if people give presents for that? Maybe I should send him something.

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

Happy Tampa Day!

The whole Cabinet came to the Lodge for a party to celebrate a year of offloading our problems onto small, developing countries and islands. Janette made fairy bread and a cake that had a map of Australia on it, and around the edge was an ocean made out of blue jelly, with little marzipan asylum seekers 'floating' in it. I got to eat Tasmania and a little foreign boy. Then we played Twister, except we had to stop when Joe Hockey couldn't get his right foot on yellow and he fell on Wilson Tuckey.

Of course, Labor and the Greens were whinging all day long. They're just jealous because they didn't come up with the Pacific Solution. It didn't matter, anyway, 'cause they weren't invited to the party. I'm going to bring my lolly-bag tomorrow, and eat it in front of Simon Crean just to make him even more jealous.

Though that one used to work better on Kim Beazley.