John Howard: Prime Minister

I'm so over Telstra. I wish we could just sell the bugger, already. Don't the losers in the bush get it? If we actually wanted to hear anything they have to say, then we'd give them decent phone and internet services. There's a reason we like to keep them disconnected from the rest of Australia. People from the country are so stupid. That's why the National Party are so good, though, 'cause it means we don't have to have stupid country people associated with the Liberal Party, but we still basically get their votes. The country has always been full of idiots, too. Like Clancy of the Overflow, who didn't bother to leave a forwarding address or email or anything, so no one could get in touch with the guy. And that Waltzing Matilda bloke who tried to steal a sheep by putting it in his bag. What a dickhead. I've got a pretty big briefcase that Janette bought me for my birthday last year, and all I can fit in it everyday is my lunch box and a spare pair of undies (just in case). As if you'd try and put a whole sheep in there. No wonder he drowned, the nong-head had a sheep strapped to his back. In fact, I reckon the smartest person to ever come out of the country wasn't even a person, it was Skippy the Kangaroo. How dumb must you be if a kangaroo is smarter than you? Skippy never complained about telephones, either.

Alex Downer says we're going to send troops to this place called the Solomon Islands. I'm not sure why. The US aren't, and they aren't part of the Axis of Evil. Alex reckons we were invited to send troops there 'cause the people there suck and are mean to the government, or something. I guess I can understand that, some of the people in Australia are mean to me, too. Like the ALP. Maybe I should make a deal with them: If we sort out the nasty pasties over there, the Solomon Islands have to send people over here to get rid of the ALP. Maybe they could even take the party back with them. I find islands are a very good place to put people you don't want.