John Howard: Prime Minister

Wow, the last week has been so tops! First off, I went to George's ranch is Texas, which was so cool. Well, Texas wasn't cool, 'cause it's pretty hot there. Why is it always so hot in the desert? George reckons it's 'cause there are less buildings to get in the way of the sun. I got to fly there on Air Force One and everyone was all "Ohhh, that's so exciting!" about it, but I don't get what the fuss is all about. I didn't even get a coloring book like on Qantas, and there wasn't an in-flight movie, or like, those repeats of Better Homes and Gardens that they play on domestic flights. Then I got to go to the baseball, which is sort of like cricket, only they don't wear zinc or rub the ball against their crotch. Then George said that I was a "man of steel"! That's like what they call Superman! So to pay him back the compliment, I said told him that he was "the ghost who walks". He gave me a weird look. Maybe he's not a Phantom fan. Next time I'll tell him that he "does whatever a spider can". Everyone loves Spiderman.

I also had to go to smelly England to see smelly Tony Blair. It was his birthday, and I didn't want to go to his party, but Janette said it'd be rude not to accept the invitation. Speaking of which, the invitations were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ones, which are sooo uncool. I mean, I had them at my 50th birthday! What a smelly loser. So anyway, I went, and it was lame. We had to play "Ring-a-Ring-a-Rosie", and when we all fell down I bumped my knee. Then we played "Kiss Chasey" and I almost had to kiss John Prescott, but we decided that a friendly hand-shake would be better. And then, to top it all off, I didn't even get a lolly bag. What a sucky party.