John Howard: Prime Minister

That cop guy, Mick Keelty, is such a dumb idiot. He reckons that Australia is more of a terrorist target 'cause of the war with Iraq, 'cause this place called Spain got bombed, or something. But that's a total der-brain thing to say, 'cause there aren't even any terrorists in Australia. Anyone who paid attention during that Tampa thing would know that terrorists always try to get into Australia on illegal boats with boat people, so they can wait for years in detention and then on the off-chance that no one finds out that they're terrorists after looking into their background, there's a slim possibility they'll get into Australia on a TPV. Duh. That means all the terrorists are locked up safely in detention centres. He clearly didn't listen to a thing I said, or he'd know that we decide who comes in to this country and under what circumstances, and I certainly don't remember letting any terrorists in. Plus, even if they did get into Australia, how would they get past the fridge magnets? Huh? Yeah, Mick, you didn't think of that, did you? That's why I own this country, and he's just some police guy. What would cops know about security, anyway?

As usual, Mark Latham's been having a sook. He reckons we should pull all our Australian troops out of Iraq by December. What a spaz-wad. Our troops are over there to democracise Iraq, but they can't do that while there are still terrorists running around, and geeze is that place chockers with terrorists. As everyone knows, "terrorist" is just a fancy-schmancy way of saying "Muslim", and there's no way we'll have all the Muslims out of there by December. Especially seeing that every time they try to seek asylum in Australia, we have to send them back. Because we decide if stupid terrorist Muslims come into this country, and under what circumstances. And those circumstances are when hell freezes over.