Friday, October 17, 2003

Christ, is today "Lefties Have a Whinge" day, or something? First off, all the Uni academics went on strike. Like, I don't really care about Universities not being open, or anything. So a few Arts students will have to stay at home to play hack-sack. Like I give. But I do like Australia to come off as a smart nation. 'Cause like, if the nation looks smart, then I look smart, too, and people are all, "Ooh, look at that smart country. I bet they elected a really cool, smart leader, 'cause smart people wouldn't elect someone stupid." But then stupid academics go and embarass me like this:

"Strike day Today". No duh, lefties. Like the picket line wouldn't have been a bit of a give-away. Everyone thinks academics are so smart and stuff but clearly they aren't. I mean, if they're so smart, why are they still at Uni? I left Uni decades ago. Academics are like those dumb kids that had to stay down in primary school, only dumber, 'cause they choose to hang around Universities. And their jobs can't be that hard, 'cause even Simon Crean finished University, and I bet he was one of the dumb kids that got kept down in primary school. So clearly, if they're doing anything, it isn't much if spazzes like Simon can get through. I reckon being an academic would be perfect for the "Work for the Dole" scheme. Dole Bludgers could go in there and teach Arts and Communications students things they'll really need to know, like how to fill in forms at Centrelink and that. Then academics can go make some "We are standing in a dole queue" and "Will discuss post-modernism for food" signs.

The other stupid leftie thing that happened today was that stupid communist Bob Brown being a stupid leftie. He's all bitter about security having guns in Parliament House when Bush comes. Janette says he's probably just cranky because lefties are all vegetarians and they don't get any protein so they're all skinny and pale and have bags under their eyes and stuff. But I dunno, 'cause that pretty much describes Phillip Ruddock. So anyway, Bob was having a sook and he said that it was "repugnant" and I asked Janette what that means and she said it means he's not a nice boy and she doesn't want me being friends with him. Like I would be. At lunch today, we were all hugging gum trees and going "Ooh, look, I'm Bob Brown and I'm hugging a tree! Are you going to marry a tree, Bob? Or are you already engaged to the Wilderness Society Koala?" And then we're all, "Bob and a tree sitting in a... tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" And then he called me a fascist. So I called him a der-brain.

Australia is like the place to be seen now. Like, not only is the President of the world George Bush coming here, so is the President of China, Hu Jintao. They have heaps in common, like they're both Presidents and neither were actually elected. So I rang up George to tell him, and I'm all, "Dude, Hu is coming here!" And he's all, "I give up, who's comin'?" And I'm all, "No, HU is coming!" and he goes, "I said I don't know, who's comin'?" And I go "Hu!" And he goes, "Yeah, I said I don't know, who?" And I go, "Hu's coming!" And he goes, "What? Who is coming? Ya'll gonna tell me?" And I go, "Hu Jintao, the President of China!" And he goes, "Who?"

George is such a kidder. Smart AND a sense of humor. He's so dreamy.