John Howard: Prime Minister

Some people are never satisfied. Like, they always whinge if we don't try and stop evil people overseas and stuff, so we go and give the terrorists in Iraq democracy and freedom and all that, and they whinge about THAT. It's not our fault that terrorists hate freedom, you know. And sometimes the only way to get a person to love freedom is by locking them naked and blindfolded in a a room, and then sodomising them with a broom handle. Because Australians don't cut and run. We WILL win their hearts and minds, even if we have to murder them in the process. Besides, people need to remember that they're still better off than they were under Saddam. They're getting the same kind of democratic treatment that Australians enjoy in Guantanamo Bay.

So once again we've come up with a totally rad budget. Of course, the stupid opposition and the communist Greens whinged that we're only giving tax cuts to the rich, but like, duh. Rich people work hard and stuff, so they deserve more money. Lazy poor people don't deserve anything. Plus rich people vote for us and poor people don't. What's the point in rewarding people who don't even like us? Until poor people learn to love us, we're gonna keep screwing them. Just like the Iraqis.