John Howard: Prime Minister

So not only is Mark Latham a liar liar pants on fire, he's ALSO a copycat from Ballarat. He totally nicked a speech he did from some American president who wasn't George Bush. What a loser. But that's why I own this country - 'cause I come up with my own totally original ideas. Like visiting troops in Iraq on an important day for a rad press stunt. And outlawing gay marriage. I'm a total visionary. But Mark just copies everything. Like wearing glasses? And a suit and tie? I've been doing that for years. Now everyone's doing it. And pulling troops out of Iraq has already been done, too. Mark totally ripped that off those communists in Spain. He's even agreeing with MY policies. Like, now he ALSO thinks gay homosexuals shouldn't get married? Whatever, Mark. Way to be an opposition leader. Not.

Anyway, that Iraq trip was such a drag. It turns out that Iraq is a totally lame place to visit. Like, there's all this war there. Huh. And I mean, ANZAC Day already kind of sucks, 'cause I always have to get up so early and stuff, but Iraq is like this total other country, so I had to get up mega early. And they always play that heaps dull song on the trumpet. Every. Single. Year. Can't they get some new material? No one even laughed when I yelled out, "Play Freebird!" AND we didn't get ANZAC biscuits! I mean, Janette put a few in my lunch box, but I got hungry on the plane and ate them before I got to Iraq. But what kind of a crap country doesn't have ANZAC biscuits? I've gotta say, as far as public holidays go, ANZAC Day is no Australia Day. Also, there's a reason Andrew Daddo never visits Iraq on Getaway: it's crap. Iraq, I mean, not Getaway. That show is awesome. Well, except for when they have that Aboriginal guy. Typical Aboriginal, stealing a job from an Australian.

Anyway, next ANZAC Day, I think I'll just go to Hawaii, or something.