John Howard: Prime Minister

I'm heaps excited about this "Son of Star Wars" missile thingo. I'm not totally sure what it's all about, but it involves the United States and blowing stuff up, and that's always fun. Of course, the ALP are being lame and trying to ruin all our fun. Mark Latham's trying to pretend he cares about what the Governments spends our money on, but really that's just a front. Yep, Mark's just a big fat liar liar pants on fire, 'cause the real reason he doesn't want us to play Star Wars with the US is 'cause he's a bigger loser than even most people realise... that's right, Mark Latham is a Trekkie. He is such a dork. Like, when he became leader of the ALP, he was all, "Parliament, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Australian Labor Party. Its mission: to explore strange new policies, then to totally reverse them, to seek out a new generation, to boldly go where no politician has gone before... except for Gough Whitlam who is so totally cool and I love and I want to marry because I'm lame." Ok, maybe he didn't say that last part, but he's still a dorkus malorkus. Obviously I don't tease him about it to his face, 'cause he'd beat me up and stuff, but I always laugh behind his back when he wears those stupid pointy alien ears in Parliament.

Jenny Macklin told me secretly that she's a bit sick of Mark calling her "Spock" all the time. I didn't tell her that George Bush calls me "Yoda" quite often. He said it wasn't an insult or anything, 'cause Yoda is all wise and stuff. But then I was like, "If he's so wise, why did he say, 'Wars not make one great!'?" And George was like, "Aw fine, it's just 'cause ya look like the little critter so much! Look at yer round, bald head and wrinked brow!" And then he pinched my cheeks. And I was like, "Totally rad you are."

I got bored yesterday, so I slagged off public schools. It's not like I said anything outrageous, or anything. All I said was that they don't teach values. Things like honesty, equality, and compassion just aren't taught in public schools, and I should know, 'cause I went to one. Who knows what kind of an honest lame-arse I would've turned out as without public education. Twelve years in an institution without morals or values was perfect training for the Liberal Party. Private Schools are good for some things -- like forcing religion down kid's throats -- but if you want shameless and immoral nasty pastie politicians, you can't go past a state school education.