John Howard: Prime Minister

So this new Indonesian President Bangbang Somethingorother had this party the other week and I didn't get an invitation, but clearly he meant to invite me, so I went anyway, and I was like, "Why didn't I get an invitation?" And he was all, "Oh uhm... it must have er, got lost in the mail.. or uh, maybe Helen Clarke was supposed to tell you about it or... something." So it was clearly just a misunderstanding. LAME party, though. No pass the parcel, fairy bread, lolly bags, or even Twister. Also, the food was supposed to be Asian or something, but I didn't recognise any of it. Dan, the bloke who runs our local Fish n Chip place is Asian, and I eat his food heaps, so I know all about Asian food. But these people didn't have Dim Sims or even Chiko Rolls. I asked Bangbang if he knew Dan, but he said he didn't. I guess that's fair enough, though, 'cause Asia is a pretty big country.

The ALP has picked their new shadow ministry, and you might reckon I would care, but I do, 'cause it's actually heaps important. I mean, it won't change anything in politics - just a few different faces whinging on Lateline every night - but it's pretty important to our lunch time kanga cricket matches. Wayne Swan and Stephen Smith have moved way up the bench, and while they can both really wield a cricket bat, they're also both willing to screw over Mark for a bit of personal glory, so I'm not too worried. Plus, the newbies on his bench are both chicks. Dunno WHAT he was thinking there. Mark may think it's ok to play sport with chicks, but in the Coalition, we have principals and standards and know that it just isn't safe. We take risks like girl germs very seriously. But what would you expect? If the ALP can't manage the economy, then how can they manage a cricket team?