John Howard: Prime Minister

Man, what a crappy week!

First, people got pissy 'cause I forgot some Tasmanian chick's name. She was a Liberal candidate or something. But do you know how many Liberal candidates there are in Australia? I'd say at least a dozen — maybe more! I have enough trouble remembering the names of the front bench, let alone a sheila from some island. That's why the speaker in parliament just calls people things like "the member for Bennelong" (that's me). I think he just makes them up sometimes, like 'Bruce' and 'Mayo'. Hee. I knew I picked him for a reason.

Then, people got pissy 'cause I did some renos on my plane. That's insulting for two reasons: one, of course I need to fly in comfort when they send me to places like Tasmania, and secondly, as if I am choosing the wallpaper — OBVIOUSLY that's Janette's department. George has several planes AND a helicopter AND a rad BMX, but I get into trouble for a bit of silk wall-lining and wanting a bit of leg room.

But by far the worst thing that happened this week is that Nick Minchin said that he smoked marijuana in uni!!!!!! He was all, "EVERYONE who went to uni in the 60s and 70s smoked dope". Well! Maybe some hippies were doing such things, but if Nick had spent more time with the young liberals like me, I think he'd have found that we certainly didn't do things like that. And it wasn't like we weren't cool; sometimes we had a small sherry after a game of Scrabble or a barn dance. But we were high on life in those days! I guess now we know where all the pizza and Tim Tams go at party functions, but I don't reckon we'll ever trust Kerry Minchin's baked goods again.