Friday, September 13, 2002

I'm so not looking forward to this debate on Iraq. I mean, in public I've been all "hooray democracy!" about it, but honestly, democracy just holds you back. I wish we could just start this war. We can sit around arguing about it till the cows come home, or at least untill I get bored and tell everyone to shut up, but we all knows it's gonna happen, anyway.

Plus it's a really good thing for Australia. It'll be just like Afghanistan: We'll be killing lots of foreigners. Which is good, 'cause it means we can get rid of the Asylum Seekers before they even get a chance to leave their country. And the world's only gonna be safe when all nuclear and biological weapons are in the West's hands. Because we don't just go around bombing people willy-nilly.

Bob Brown reckons I shouldn't send troops to Iraq if I wouldn't go there myself. What a loser. I said, "Yeah? Well you shouldn't send troops to Iraq if you wouldn't go there!" And he goes, "Duh, nong-head, I wouldn't send troops there!" So I'm like, "Yeah, cause you're too much of a wuss to go there yourself, you big wuss!" And then I went and kicked a tree, and was like, "Ooh, look, I'm kicking a tree! Oh no, not the environment! What are you going to do Bobby?" And he goes, "Maybe I'll go kick George Bush!" Meanie. So I stuck out my tounge and walked away. Just 'cause he probably would kick George, and then George mightn't think I was cool. Janette says Bob Brown is a Nasty Pastie.

I better go call George to warn him just in case Bob Brown does go over and kick him. In fact, I might suggest that he strikes pre-emptively, just to be on the safe side. Maybe the army can take his legs, or something. Or at the very least, send someone to check his shoes and make sure they're not dangerous.

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

He called! He called!!!!!!!!!

George Bush called me on Saturday! On the phone! It was sooo cool! And he said we could join his war! And he called me 'buddy'!


He did not invite me to Camp David. And Tony Blair got to go. I'll bet they did heaps of fun camp stuff, too, like canoeing, hiking and arts & crafts. Janette says I can go camping in Australia any time I want, but it's not the same.

Why would George want to go away with a Pom, anyway? They always whinge and talk about soccer. And even worse, why would he want to go away with a Labor Party politician? They always whinge and talk about 'equality'. Yeah right, if we're all supposed to be equal, then why do the English cricket team suck so much?

That's another reason why Poms are stupid: They're crap at cricket. And I mean, if they can't even win the Ashes, how do they expect to win a war? That's why George should really be concentrating more on Australia's involvement. I told him that, but he said, "A cricket? 'Aint that like a grasshopper?" I'm not sure, I've never heard of that game, but I told him they were probably similar, and that Australia was "happy to send as many of our grasshoppers to Iraq as he needs." That's when he said he had to go, because he was on a pay phone and he'd run out of money.

That was pretty nice of him to use up all his change to call me, though.