John Howard: Prime Minister

This weekend really sucked. First Labor won the Victorian State Election, then all the hippies had these big anti-war protests, then everyone's started being really mean to me for saying we should bomb other countries just in case they bomb us, and now the batteries in my Game Boy are flat.

Victorians are so stupid. Their brains have probably been affected by all their bad weather, or something. It has to be something like that, I mean, why else would they vote in a loser like Steve Bracks? I didn't even want to watch that election, 'cause the cricket was on, but Janette reckoned it was my job to watch it, or something. It was sooooo boring, though. As if anyone gives a damn about Victoria, anyway. They're all like, "Ohh, what will I wear today? I know: Black! What should I do? I think I'll go and drink coffee outside some stupid cafe and pretend I'm trendy, even though the weather sucks and so do I! Then maybe I'll go and listen to Jeff Kennett on the radio... oh that's right, I can't, 'cause he had a hissy fit and quit. Maybe I'll just drink more coffee and talk about how much cooler Melbourne is than Sydney, even though I know that it's really not."

Why are all the hippies trying to ruin this war for me? Pack of wusses. They should be off killing Terrorists and stuff, instead of smoking dope and playing hacky-sack, or whatever they do. It's a far more wholesome hobby. And why do they think that they can stop it just by making up stupid rhyming chants? It's not like I can't make my own chants. 'Cause I can, like "1, 2, 3, 4, Shut up, you stupid lefty hippies, why don't you go and get jobs?!" Yeah, take that, you stupid der-face Greenies!