John Howard: Prime Minister

Ahahahaha! So the Australian Loser Party are even bigger losers than they used to be. They lost the election, they always lose at footy at lunchtime (well almost always. Sometimes it's just members of the NSW right, and they play dirty), and now they've lost Latham. So I guess it's back to old Fatty McFatfat. But I dunno if it's a good or a bad thing, really. On the one hand, I won't have Mark flushing my head down the dunny and stealing my lamingtons every day, but on the other, Kim Beazley is actually a decent politician. It kinda makes me miss Simple Simon, really. He was someone I could deck both in Parliament and on the footy field. As long as it's not Kevin Rudd, I guess. He's such a smarmy, prissy little know-it-all - and that's Alex Downer's job.

It's lame - I own this country, so why can't I choose the leader of the opposition? I get to choose the speaker, and I did a totally ace job of that. David Hawker is heaps impartial and stuff. I reckon if I could just make like, Pete Costello the leader of the opposition, everything would work much better. He'd be off my back about retiring, 'cause he'd have his own party, and he knows all about lefties, 'cause he's got that spaz-wad brother. Plus Question Time would be so much easier if I could have Doroty Dixers coming from both sides of the house. He'd be all, "Mr Speaker, could the Prime Minister please comment on how awesome he is?" And I'd be all, "Well, Mr Speaker, I'd like to thank the leader of the opposition for his question, and can I just say that he is super cool, too. In response to his questions, I believe that I am totally awesome, but I'll be endeavouring to make even MORE advancements in the field of awesomeness for years to come." And then everyone (including David Hawker, 'cause he's impartial, but not stupid) would go, "Here, here!"

Man, this job would be so much better if I could just do whatever I want like that. Democracy is way over-rated.