John Howard: Prime Minister

Ha! Labor lost in Cunningham! And they didn't even lose to a real party. What a bunch of losers. I mean, the Greens are still losers, too, even though they won. We're the only ones who aren't losers, 'cause we were smart enough not to run anyone in an electorate where the people are such losers that they'd vote for losers like the Greens. So the Greens must feel like total losers for winning that election. But it sucks, too, 'cause now there's gonna be another Green hanging around Parliament House. They're always whining, "We need trees to survive!" "That's an endangered species!" "Stop hitting me! It really hurts!"

So after what happened in Bali, I guess it's clear that we must attack Iraq. Because they're obviously linked. I mean, they're both foreign countries. Eerie coincidence? I think not. I spoke to George Bush about it (Eeee! He's soooo cool!) and he agrees. Plus we decided that we better keep an eye on Europe, 'cause they're a forgeign country, too. He wanted to leave that up to Tony Blair, 'cause England's heaps close to Europe, but I dunno 'cause Tony Blair's such a dipshit. Maybe he can keep an eye out for Antarctica, or something, 'cause I don't reckon much is happening there. Though, I have heard rumours that they have some pretty dangerous spears and harpoons over there. Janette doesn't reckon that they count as weapons of mass destruction, but I dunno, they look pretty sharp, and I'm not even allowed to run with scissors. So maybe that's a bit too much for a der-brain like Tony Blair to handle. He'd probably be better off just getting a pet dog, or something, and looking after that.