John Howard: Prime Minister

It's here! It's finally here! This past week has been tops, I would've done one of these war things much sooner if I'd known how much fun they are. Like, Australian troops go over and kill all the bad people in Iraq so they can have peace, or whatever, and then every time something bad happens to an Aussie, I get to go on TV and be all, "Oh yeah, that sucks, I'm heaps sad about that... Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!" And then everyone's all, "Oh, what a cool PM, he's really caring, and stuff." So when good things happen, it's good, and when bad things happen, it's good, too.

Plus I get to stay in Canberra, which is cool, 'cause Janette's not with me so I can stay up way past my bed time! Last night I had the cabinet over at the lodge, where we played "War on Terror". I got to be George Bush, so John Anderson got to be me, but he was pretty crap at it. We were gonna let Danna Vale be me, but everyone agreed it'd be pretty lame having a chick as a PM. So anyway, obviously no one wanted to be Tony Blair, so we took a chicken out of the fridge, drew some eyes on it, and it looked pretty much the same. Peter Costello was Saddam Hussein, Robert Hill was Osama Bin Laden, and Nick Minchin was Kim Jong-il. They just had to sit in the "Axis of Evil Secret Underground Lair" (under the dining table) laughing that "Mwahahahaha" laugh that only evil people do, until we dropped "bombs" (pillows) on them and took all the "oil" (jars of Vegemite). And then George Bush and I (who John Anderson was playing, but it still meant me) were proclaimed "Coolest Dudes in the World" and then everyone made Vegemite and Cheese Sandwiches, except me, 'cause I thought I'd stay in character and have one of those Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches I always hear about, only it didn't work for some reason. Maybe they don't use Aeroplane Jelly in the US.

Oh, and there was an election in NSW, or something.... I dunno, I didn't watch it.