John Howard: Prime Minister

Oh my God! Oh my GOD! Today I got to meet The Terminator! It turns out that he's also the Governor of California. I told The Terminator how Janette wouldn't let me see T2, 'cause she said it was too violent and would give me bad dreams. But then last year, Alex Downer and I snuck down to Video Ezy and hired it and then told our wives we had to stay late at Parliament, but actually we watched T2 in my office! And it was so cool, except for the violent bits which did give me nightmares, but it was sooo worth it. Well, I didn't tell him about the nightmares, 'cause I didn't want The Terminator to think I wasn't cool and tough, but I reckon he was heaps impressed at how naughty Alex and I had been. I reckon The Terminator is such an inspiration - he was born a cyborg, but he didn't let that hold him back, and now he's a politician like me. America really is the land of opportunity. I told him that I thought it was rad that Californians didn't mind that he wasn't totally human and were willing to accept his cyborg characteristics, like his monotone voice and lack of emotions. He said that in an insane world, he was the sanest choice.

So people are getting all angry at me for lying about how the government knew about the US being mean to the terrorists in Iraq. But like duh, there's an election coming up. I have certain responsibilities. And also, why are they surprised? I've been lying to the Australian public for years. It's called fear-mongering, and all the other leaders are doing it. The left just need to get with the times. This is 2004 - RnB is the new rock, red, white, and blue is the new black, and blatant lying is the new competent leadership. A good PM is a hip PM, peeps. Word.