John Howard: Prime Minister

Stupid Wilson Tuckey. What a loser. As a leader, I've tried so hard to set a good example and that, and then he just has to go out and act like a dickhead. Like, how many times does the guy have to see me lie and get away with it to learn what to do when he gets caught out doing something naughty? Children Overboard, Weapons of Mass Destruction, The Govenor General, Ethanol, kicking a footy through a window in Parliament House and blaming it on Simon Crean... and still no one's calling for my resignation. Well, no one who matters. But he gets caught abusing his position once, and he doesn't even try to lie. Where did I go wrong? I've tried so hard to raise a cabinet of politicians who aren't total lame-o's, just like in America. But I suppose we also have bloody "ministerial responsibility" to try and get around, which is, of course, a dumb British thing. The British are so dumb. Except for the Royal Family, of course. They're cool. But Ministerial Responsibility isn't. Why should I have to responsible for things that go wrong? That's what public servants are for.

Anyway, yeah, Wilson Tuckey sucks. All he had to say was "What letter? No one ever told me about this letter? I have a son? Well I wasn't informed about this "son". If my wife knew, she never told me." And then after like, a week, everyone would've forgotten about the whole thing. Duh. But now everyone's all, "Oooh, he's naughty, you have to fire him." Which like, I would, except he's the best wicket-keeper in the whole cabinet, and if we lost him, we'd have to let Kay Patterson play kanga cricket with us at lunch time, and that'd suck, 'cause y'know, women in sport and stuff. Maybe Wilson can blame the whole thing on her. All she does is cut the orange quarters for half time, anyway, and there are other women in the cabinet who I'd be just as happy to see back in the kitchen where women do their best work.