John Howard: Prime Minister

Things are so boring here with this war. I thought it'd be a lot more fun. I mean, the killing and the guns and stuff is all good, but every time the coalition does something stupid (and I'll bet it's always the British troops who muck up, too), the people who advise me on what to do reckon I should stay away from the media. So to pass the time, we're all trying to work out who gets first dibs on fixing up Iraq so it's a proper country with McDonalds and stuff after the war is over. I can't believe the UN reckon they should get a piece of the action. Like I told George Bush, if they didn't cause any the destruction in the first place, they shouldn't get to fix it up.

Speaking of George, I'm probably getting to go to his ranch next month! Janette and the people who advise me on stuff wouldn't let me go last time he asked me 'cause of some crap about Australian Troops or something, but apparently it's cool now! It'll be like Little House on the Prarie, only with less blind people. And hopefully not like the time Laura adopted a raccoon and it bit her and they thought she might have rabies. I hope we can play Cowboys and Indians, too. Only, I don't want to be an Indian 'cause I don't like curry or Asians or Kamahl. Though Janette reckons that Kamahl's from some place called Sri Lanka, which is so stupid, 'cause everyone knows that Sri Lanka is a cricket team, not a country. Women know nothing about sport. Thank God a man's the PM of this country, 'cause leaders need to be smart and know stuff about the world and about cricket.