John Howard: Prime Minister

That loser Crean reckons that the Government's divided about having a War Levy. We're so not. I told them all today what we're gonna do, and everyone reckons it's a really cool idea. We're gonna have a Sausage Sizzle! It'll be out the front of Parliament House and it'll be totally wicked. Janette gave me this really funny apron that says "Kiss the PM" on it for Christmas, and now I'll get a chance to show it off! I hope no one else has one the same, though. We're even going to give all the food special "War on Iraq" related names. Like the "Slay Saddam Snags", and the "Bomb Baghdad Burgers". Eric Abetz wanted his own "Special Minister for State Souvlaki", but I told him it didn't really fit with the theme, and souvlakis sound too ethnic. I think they're from Africa, or something.

Janette says it'd be nice to invite the Greens, too, even though they're hippy losers and they smell, because they don't wash because they're hippies. I said they could, but we're not cooking them any tofu burgers, or whatever.

It seems we might have gone a little over budget last year. Only like, $100 million over what we'd predicted. It's not our fault. I mean, we had all those stupid refugees to deal with, and I don't think we've ever had any of those before. Though Nick Minchin reckons that most of that money might have been all my phone calls to the White House. As if. I reckon I only call about five or six times a day -- seven at most. How much can that cost?