John Howard: Prime Minister

Just got back from APEC. This year it was in this place called Chilly which is in this country called South America, except it's nothing like Real America, 'cause it's full of poor foreign people. Like Centrelink. At APEC meetings, they always make us wear some lame costume and then they take this class photo of us all. Janette always insists on doing my comb-over in the morning and stands behind the photographer mouthing "SMILE" at me, 'cause she likes to get prints made to send to the relatives. It's SO embarrassing, especially this year, 'cause the costumes were these poncho things. Ponchos are like tops but with only a hole for you head. I guess people in Chilly are too poor to afford sleeves. Anyway, they were heaps ugly, even though Janette kept saying what a "handsome boy" I was. Well, I guess I can't deny that, but I dunno why I can't just wear a nice suit or cardie. This is George and me in our ponchos:



George is saying to me, "That blue really brings out the colour in your beautiful eyes, John." Oh wait, no, that was a dream. Really, he was telling me about the "Kick Me" sign he stuck on the back of Helen Clarke's poncho, but I know how hot I look in blue, and I could tell he'd noticed. After the photo, we cut our ponchos into Superman capes, but that was a bit of a problem, 'cause as everyone knows, I am the Man of Steel, but George wanted to be Superman, too, and y'know, he IS President of the world. I didn't wanna fight, though, so I agreed to be Jimmy Olsen... on the condition that Jimmy Olsen also got to wear a cape and had superpowers. Paul Martin was a little pissed about being Lex Luthor until Vladimir Putin offered to swap him for Lois Lane and he decided it wasn't that bad after all. See, International Politics isn't that hard at all. WE managed to come to decisions that we all agreed to. The UN must just be spazzes. Maybe I'll have a crack at negotiating that Middle East thingo next.